Why They Ran

Kitty is gone. Just when I dared claim her as ours, laying in a supply of quality dry food in a newly purchased dispensing container and stacking small cans of once-a-week treats of salmon or tuna, this semi-feral (or maybe semi-tamed) cat skipped a few days at her feeding station. For a few weeks, she showed up predictably every other day, ravenous, demanding immediate (and large) rations of cat chow in long yowls, adding a half-demand that she would also consider bread soaked in gravy or leftover scrambled eggs.

Then she missed two days and, in two more weeks, the days of absence grew to three or four at a time. When we hadn’t seen her for a month, she appeared on Mom’s porch one morning for breakfast. Mom says she acted as if she had never left, her meows almost understandable English and rubbing so close that Mom thought she could feel the electricity in her calico fur. I didn’t see her.

The last appearing was months ago now, maybe three—or two. We all miss her here at the compound.

Where did she go? I asked. Why did she run away? Didn’t she know she was our Kitty?

Maybe she’ll come back, just as she did after her 2010 to 2011 furlough, a whole year. We thought she had passed on to cat heaven until she announced her re-arrival one spring day, sitting regally on the feeding station as if to say “Ho, Subjects. I’m back. Come and approach—with goodies.”

Maybe she will return to us. I have to believe I will see her again, the ungrateful little hussy.

On Thursday before Easter, I was the victim of a hit-and-run vehicle accident at the corner of a well-known thoroughfare and side street just two minutes from the ravine. No one was injured, but it did hurt me that the guy ran. First he ran the light, and then he ran away.

I called to him from the gas station lot where I parked and climbed out of the van, expecting him to follow me by the signs he offered in the middle of the street. Instead of pulling in behind me, he swerved out across the street and parked just outside the beer store in a small strip center.

“Hey!” I yelled, running across the lot. “Come here.”

I waved him my direction. “Venga aqui,” I said as he inspected the damage to the left corner of his car.

He heard me. He jumped in the dark blue compact and sped off, heading north.

Of all days to leave my phone at home. I traipsed inside the market and asked the handsome young clerk if I could borrow a telephone. He handed me his cell phone and I called Dave and the police, in that order. Neither the clerk nor I could remember the non-emergency phone number for Metro Police. Any other time I know it, but right then, I just didn’t.

I did not get a license number. “I can’t see that far,” I told the officer.

“Make and model?” he asked.

“No, but it was very dark blue and small and older and it sloped down on both ends.”

“Huh,” he answered, paused, and then looked up. “You know we’re not going to catch him.”

“Yeah.”

“Did you get a good look at him?”

“Oh, yeah. We were up close and personal, looking at each other through the windows, his left corner into my left corner.”

“So…?”

“He was Hispanic. Short, stocky. I mean, I noticed that when he got out of the car across the street. I’m sorry…He was Hispanic.”

“You don’t have to be sorry. You’re the victim here,” he said.

“I know. But I know these people and…” I stopped, and then admitted to my stereotyping habit. “They can’t drive. My Hispanic friends here on this road cannot drive.”

“No, God love ‘em,” he said, “Most of them didn’t drive at home. Then they come here and they get a car and somehow they suddenly know how to drive.”

“And it’s possible he didn’t have insurance,” I added to the conversation.

“Probably no insurance, no driver’s license. He was scared. They’re scared.”

I nodded.

“I love ‘em,” he said. “I couldn’t work over here if I didn’t. Let me fill out this report for you. Why don’t you go ahead and get me your license and registration and insurance card.”

As I shuffled through the glove compartment, he told me that my uninsured motorist’s insurance would kick in and get my vehicle all fixed up, said the whole repair and recovery process might go more smoothly without catching the perpetrator.

“So maybe he did me a favor by running?”

The officer shrugged. “Well, that probably wasn’t the reason but…”

We took the van in for repairs on Monday and picked up a rental just a block from the auto body shop. They say it will be ready—with a new bumper—on Thursday this week. Dave dropped off a new front license plate cover to replace the cracked one over my Elvis plate. Our old gold Mazda MPV will look like new.

I don’t see any reason that Kitty should leave. She had it made. She had a warm place to sleep. She got fed and talked to—by two families. Maybe it was just too confusing for her or, as my cat-knowledgeable friend told me, maybe she had lovers in other places—real lovers. We won’t ever know why she ran.

I see the reasons that the guy took off; it’s a short list.

I’m glad he ran, but I wish he didn’t have to.

***

The Easter Vigil

My Easter Vigil begins on Saturday morning. Now, the traditional Vigil service occurs sometime after sunset on Saturday and before dawn on Easter Sunday. It is a service of great remembrance. The scriptures start in Genesis, trace a long path to the Jewish Passover, and end with the Gospel Resurrection Story. The “Alleluia’s” ring out, silenced since the beginning of Lent.

My Easter vigil begins with a check-off list and an assembly of cooking ingredients. In years past, I was preparing for an Easter brunch of thirty-five, a beloved event for friends, neighbors, and family. Now that we do not have accommodations for such a large table-gathering—and this family has grown—the guest list is diminished to fourteen. The preparations are still large.

We’ll begin with mimosas, shrimp salad tarts, and vegetables. The dip for the crudités will rest in the belly of a bunny fashioned by Grandma from puff pastry. She’s been longing to assemble this rabbit ever since she saw it in Woman’s Day. And then we’ll sit down to ham, macaroni and cheese, asparagus, green salad with strawberries, and yeast rolls. Vicky chose the dessert, strawberry cake with cream cheese frosting, and we’ll have some brownies on hand for the chocolate-lovers.

In some way, I will touch every menu item today, even if only to lay the foundation for tomorrow’s baking, chilling, or assembly.

Easter has been my favorite holiday for most of my adult life. In Easter there is great remembrance of suffering and ultimate victory over Death—for all. There is a recollection of “the paths we’ve trod”, the storms we’ve weathered, the pain we’ve conquered—all of us. There is this notion that we are all together on level ground, equally guilty, but identically redeemed. We are one people, not because we make some conscious decision for acceptance, but because we stand before this awakening, blooming creation as co-targets of the same Love.

Yesterday afternoon, I made the annual Easter trip to the discount store to purchase ingredients for cake, dips, and cleaning. My buggy was loaded, way too stacked for that woman with the little pricing gun to “pre-checkout”. She told me so. But the Pakistani baby in the cart ahead told me “I’m two” and his father and I talked of sons, cooking, and standing in lines.

“I am already pre-checked,” he said. “Let me put your items on the belt for you.”

He emptied my cart, and when I thanked him, he answered, “This is your holiest season, isn’t it?”

“Yes,” I said, “It is.”

“And today is the ‘Good Friday’?”

“Well, yes…Good Friday.”

“I wish you a blessed holy day today, and a most wonderful holy feast…”

Happy Easter, dear friends. Let the vigil begin.
***

Cabbage and Piecrust

On Tuesday, I cooked dinner—middle-of-the-day dinner—in The Cellar. The housecleaners were working upstairs, first at our place and then at Mom and Dad’s apartment. It’s best to stay out of their way.

I cooked a teensy-tiny pork roast (to be accurate, it was a third of a half loin), mashed potatoes (because my dad loves them), and cabbage (because he also loves cabbage). He’s the tricky one for meal-planning; I knew Mom would be happy with whatever.

Speaking of Mom, she came over to visit while I was finishing up. She rolled in on Dolly, her shiny red Rollator walker, and said she had run out of bubble gum. I keep a huge glass jar filled with Double Bubble. When I can see the green table-top through the bottom, I know it’s time to go to the discount club for another tub.

“Maybe we should just eat down here,” she said, “and then you wouldn’t have to carry hot dishes up the stairs to the apartment.”

“We can,” I said. “I’ve finally cleaned the place up so I don’t think any of us would catch a disease.”

She laughed, but she knows The Cellar doesn’t get the attention that the rest of the compound gets. It’s off limits, even to the housekeepers. That means I’m the only one who cleans down here and I am only an occasional custodian.

“Well, that didn’t work,” she said. The bubble gum slipped right through Dolly’s wire basket. “What can I carry this stuff in?”

“Here, let me get you a bag,” I said, and handed her a zippered sandwich bag from the pantry shelf.

“Oh, I didn’t have to have a bag. I could have just used a coffee filter,” she said.

“A coffee filter?” I asked. I’m sure I winced and made forehead furrows with my brows.

“Just needed something to wrap it in. I don’t want you to go to too much trouble.” She turned Dolly around and sat on the seat.

“I think this roast is done, maybe the cornbread, too,” I said.

“We better go get Daddy,” she said.

I opened the back door. With the weather as warm as it is, Dad could be in any spot of greenery at any given time. Peas are planted, cabbage set, tomato stakes in the ground. He’s threatening to head down into the ravine to clean out some more brush and vines.

“I’m on my way,” I heard him say from the patio, just a few steps away.

“I bet you’d like a drink,” I said. Normally, he has his one drink at 5 P.M. but he had put in a good day’s work already. I figured he needed something to soothe the sore bones.

“Oh, I would. Will you make me one, Sis?”

I needed some milk for the potatoes, too, so I sprinted up the stairs and returned with an ounce-and-a-half of bourbon in one glass, two ounces of milk in the other. Back downstairs, I poured Diet Coke and plunked ice.

“Oh, that is good,” he said. “What do you hear from Dave?”

Dave went to Seattle last Saturday to be with his dying mother. His sisters and their spouses were there. I was here. Mom and Dad said they thought they were keeping me from being there to support Dave. I assured them that we had talked about it and decided that both he and I would be better off if I stayed home to run the household.

“I miss him,” Dad said. “You know, Mom and I have been talking about what we want when we go. I’ve decided I want a funeral right down here at South-end Methodist. Lady Ann can take care of it.” (Ann Cover, the pastor.)

“Well, I’m sure she can,” I said. “Does this mean you don’t want your service at Granville?” (Granville United Methodist is the church Dad was pastoring when he retired, at age 80.)

“No. We got to talking, and there’s not a handful of people we know left up there that would be able to come to a service.”

“Just lost your attachment, huh?” I asked.

“Yeah, I guess. Or maybe I’m attached here now. They’re all older than us, anyway, so if it’s hard for us to get around…”

“Well, whatever you decide.” I placed trivets and hot bowls on the table.

“You already have our Living Will,” Mom said. “And, next week, we’re going to sit down and plan our services. No need of you kids having to do that.”

“No. That’s true,” Dad said. “We don’t want you to have to do it, you know, when we could do it right now.”

“Well,” I said. “Let me grab this cornbread. Are you ready to eat?”

“I sure am,” Mom said. “I didn’t know I was hungry until I started smelling this dinner. It smells so good.”

They eased their legs under the table and swapped pork and potatoes.

“Let me dish you up some cabbage,” Mom said to Dad. “It’s hot as fire.”

I sat and speared a piece of pork, reached for the cabbage.

“Hooooooooooo, that cabbage is wonderful,” Mom said. “I mean, really good.”

“Everything is good,” Dad said. “This is the way I like to eat. Boiled cabbage, and it’s fixed exactly like I like it. It’s soft and it’s spicey.”

“I like it a little bit crunchier,” I said as I smiled in Dad’s direction, “but I know to cook it a little longer when you’re going to eat it.”

“Uh, uh, ummmmmm. Sooooo good,” Mom said. “What did you put in it?”

“Bacon, salt, pepper, onions…oh yeah, I chopped up an apple in it, too.”

“Apple?” Dad asked. “I don’t taste any apple.”

“No, but it sure helps it,” Mom answered. “It sweetens it a little.” She laid her fork down. “You know, I believe this is the best cabbage I ever ate, bar none.”

“You’re kidding,” I said. “Oh, I forgot. I put some Tabasco in there, too.”

“Just the right amount,” Dad said.

“But I think it was the apple that really did it for this cabbage,” Mom said.

“I forgot to ask what Dave said about Mrs. Revell,” Dad said.

I told them she’s about the same, that she was slipping fast and that she could not live too much longer, especially since the advanced directive kicked in.

“I hope she doesn’t,” Dad said. “She was such a sweet little thing.” He recalled the time that she visited after Leo, my father-in-law, died.

Mom and Dad helped themselves to more cabbage, more cornbread, more potatoes. I remembered the first time I met Mary.

Dave and I went to Terry, Montana, the year before we married, to his aunt and uncle’s 50th anniversary party. Mary and Leo were staying at Terry’s hotel, a very loose term, I thought, for a short strip of flat-topped buildings on the edge of town. They looked like lawn sheds.

“I think they call these bungalows,” Dave said. He tapped on the door.

“It’s cocktail time,” Leo announced after the introductions. He produced a leather carrier with two worn spots for two bottles. Inside the top were little bands that snapped to hold a jigger, stirrer, and two glasses turned upside down over the bottle necks, a napkin for each to cushion the glass on glass.

“I’m ready,” Dave said. “Do you have another glass?”

“Get that glass in the bathroom,” Leo told Mary. She took three steps and turned around with a glass.

“We need one more,” Leo said. Mary turned again.

“No, thanks. I’m going to pass,” I said. “I’m not much for mixed drinks.”

“Are you a wino?” Mary asked. She had a big grin on her face, so I figured she was kidding.

“Yes, I guess I am,” I answered.

There was a big crowd at the celebration, a dinner at some kind of lodge. Family and friends joined in a cacophony of greetings and catching up. Uncle Floyd asked Dave to introduce his guest. Dave stood and pointed across the room, where I was practicing with a trio of cousins. We were to sing a song that one of the daughters wrote about their parents to the tune of “The Battle Hymn of the Republic” and we had to fit the rehearsal between guffaws and giggles.

Mary sidled up to me right after the song. “Did you hear how he introduced you?” she asked, a big grin spreading. “He called you, let’s see…” She started to chuckle.

“His ‘traveling companion and confidante.’ I heard him,” I said.

“‘Traveling companion and confidante’,” she repeated. She shook her head and laughed. “He’s always been a jokester. He reminds me so much of my brother. When Dave’s around, somebody’s always laughing. Bill was like that.”

I already knew about Bill. When Dave and family lived in Spokane, Bill would drop in to visit when he was in the area. But he always called and pretended to be someone else. Sometimes he faked an ethnic accent and pretended to be lost and in need of directions. One time he tried to confirm the address where he was to deliver ten large pizzas.

“Bill always kept something going,” Mary said. She wasn’t testing me to check my reaction to Dave’s “joke”; she was simply welcoming me to her “son of fun”.

Mary and Leo came to our April wedding and they returned to Nashville for Thanksgiving the same year. We observed cocktail hour, Leo and Dave with scotch and water, Mary with her bourbon. I intended to just have my glass of wine. But Mary said she felt like she was drinking alone and wished I would have a bourbon and water with her.

“Okay,” I finally said that first night, “but I’m mixing mine with Coke.”

I sipped. Mary sipped, daintily it seemed, but she finished ahead of me. Here she came, scooting around the kitchen island, her glass extended toward me.

“I’ll have a little refresher,” she said. I mixed another drink.

“You better have one, too,” she said.

“I’m not sure.” I wasn’t sure, but I tipped my glass and made room for another.

That midnight, I experienced the worst heartburn of my entire life which, at that time, was less than fifty years. I vowed, aloud, “No more.” But she sucked me into the same pattern the next night, and the one following the next. By the fourth evening, I made an air-cross in front of her when she started toward me.

“You’re not drinking tonight?” she asked.

“Well, Ma, I think I’m just going to have a little wine,” I said.

“Don’t you want a bourbon? With me?”

“I have enjoyed it, but you have drunk me under the table.”

“Oh, neither one of us has been drunk,” she said, shaking her head.

“No,” I answered, “but I can’t take the heartburn.”

“I’ll have a little refresher,” she said, and handed me her glass. “You just drink wine.”

Early in the week, Dave asked his mom to make an apple pie. “Not for Thanksgiving. Just for us,” he said.

I peeled and sliced Granny Smiths while Mary measured flour into a bowl for pie crust. “You know he’ll wind up eating apple pie for breakfast tomorrow,” I told her.

“Oh, yeah. I like pie for breakfast, too,” she said. “I’ve got a sweet tooth.”

“I could never make decent pie crust,” I said.

“I put an egg in mine,” she said.

I reached into the refrigerator for an egg. “An egg?” I said. “Interesting.”

I stopped and watched her ball up the yellow dough and take up the rolling pin.

“I bet you’ve had this rolling pin for a long time.”

“It was a wedding gift,” I said. “The first wedding.”

“What year was that?”

“1970,” I said.

She stopped rolling and looked at me. “I’m trying to remember what I was doing in 1970.”

“I didn’t know what I was doing in 1970—in 1970,” I said.

We both laughed and she said, “Well, one thing you did was you got two wonderful sons. Dave told me all about them. Did you know I had another son besides Dave? He died when he was a baby, from cystic fibrosis.”

“No, I didn’t know. That’s a hereditary disease, isn’t it? And none of the other kids had it?”

“Oh, there were two more that died as babies. They’re buried up at Ronan. That’s where Leo and I will be buried.”

When the pie came out of the oven, we only let it cool for about half an hour. The filling was sweet and tart—at the same time—and piecrust was good. I mean, really good.

“I believe this is the best piecrust I’ve ever tasted. It’s so flaky…and it tastes so good,” I said. This is the best I’ve ever had.”

“Put an egg in it,” she said.

Mary died peacefully last Wednesday night at home with Vicki, Dave, and Sandee at her side. She was cremated. We’ll take her ashes to Ronan in July to bury her with Leo and the babies. I like to imagine that she and Leo are doing all those things that gave them so much pleasure here: growing a couple hundred roses—mostly Old English varieties, hunting for mushrooms in the woods, or hiking up a hill to a huckleberry patch.

Maybe she’s already made a pie for Leo. I wonder if they ate pie for breakfast. I know the piecrust was good. Mary’s piecrust is the best I ever had. She always put an egg in it.
***

Oh, Hail.

“Look at this picture,” Dave said. He held the front page of The Tennessean in front of me. (He reads the newspaper while I read the computer.)

It was a bowl of white round balls, taken during yesterday’s fierce storms. Hail. I read the caption.

“Half the size of golf balls,” I said. “Hm. Now why wouldn’t they just choose some other measure if it’s half the size of a golf ball?”

“I don’t know…” he muttered, taking the paper back in front of his face.

“Half the size of a golf ball…that could be, well, one of those little rubber balls that you get on one of those wooden paddles. Or, a big marble…like a shooter. No, nobody knows marbles any more.”

“It doesn’t say ‘half’‘,” Dave said. “It says ‘hail the size of golf balls’.”

He pushed the picture in front of me again. I laughed my morning laugh so big I had to wipe my eyes.

I do that a lot. I see words that are not there. (I laugh a lot, too.) Actually, the word might be there–I just see something entirely different. I’m pretty sure this malady is related to aging. The first time I noticed this complication of comprehension I was reading the newspaper. Same newspaper. Living section.

The headline I read said, “Teens Show Renewed Interest in Screwing”. I blinked. I’m sure my mouth dropped open.

“Renewed?” I asked aloud and hurried to the body of the story.

Sewing. Young people are making more of their own clothes (“sewing”), like they used to (“renewed interest”). “Teens Show Renewed Interest in SEWING.”

I would worry about myself if these perception predicaments were less entertaining.

“Did you hear your mom and dad yesterday, when we were holed up downstairs, talking about ping pong balls versus golf balls?”

“Oh, yeah,” I said. “They were wondering why the weather people use golf balls to tell the size of hail instead of ping pong balls.”

We took to The Cellar yesterday after the storm sirens had blared for about fifteen minutes. We had Murphy, wine, and crackers and the TV and computers were still working, so it wasn’t too bad. The hail pelted Downtown Nashville, Channel 4’s Lisa Spencer told us, ice the size of golf balls.

“Your brother’s ex-wife was a ping-pong champion,” Dad said.

“Really?” I said. “I never knew that.”

“Oh yeah, I never saw anybody that could beat her.”

“Huh.” There wasn’t much to say to that.

Dad went on. “A ping pong ball is a lot lighter than a golf ball.”

“Aren’t they about the same size, a ping pong ball and a golf ball?” I asked.

Dave got in the game. “I think a golf ball is bigger.”

“A ping pong ball doesn’t have anything inside. Just air,” Dad said.

“We know that,” Mom answered.

“That’s why you can hit a golf ball further. It’s the weight.”

“We know that,” she said again.

I updated my Facebook status three or four times while we were hunkered down. First I said it was time for Merle’s song, “Think I’ll Just Stay Here and Drink.” Lisa Spencer gave us minute-by-minute accounts of where the center of the storm system was located so my FBF’s (Facebook Friends) were up to date. I said there was golf ball hail downtown and that it was so dark, the weather reporters warned us that we might not be able to see a tornado. Lisa told us the storm was moving at sixty miles per hour–so I told, too.

I reported, and my FBF’s responded–as they had earlier. We’re thinking of you. Be safe. The Lord protect you. Stay covered. Praying. I was moved by the expressions. I reminded myself to more often offer words of encouragement, and hope, and consolation. Everyone needs to know that someone cares.

The winds and rain moved over us in a very few minutes. Really, over us. Mom finished her snack mix. Actually, she finished everything but the pretzels. She asked Dave if he wanted them. He did.

Okay, I posted, it’s done, but there’s another severe thunderstorm coming. I knew that because Lisa Spencer couldn’t wait to tell us.

Dad said, “Well, I think it’s time to go on home. And I’m going up the stairs.” He was referring to the stairs that lead from their apartment down to the courtyard. I suppose that’s their front door.

Mom said, “No, I’m going back up the inside stairs. I don’t have shoes on.”

“Dad,” I said, “You don’t need to climb those stairs, either. They’ll be slick. Get on the lift.” After several exchanges, he agreed to accommodate my wishes.

The power never went out until everything calmed down. I guessed the Nashville Electric Service guys were working on a pole somewhere in our neighborhood. I took my flashlight and went to bed. It was early.

This morning, after Dave and I guffawed over my mistaken reading of the photo caption, I checked out the difference between a ping pong ball and a golf ball. Hear ye, hear ye! A ping pong ball is 40 mm in diameter, was 38 mm until October 2000 when they changed the rule. The 38 mm ball traveled faster and had more spin; I wondered why they wanted to change it. A golf ball is no less than 42.67 mm wide. Leave it to the people who knock around a little thing with a skinny stick to get nit-pickily detailed about the diameter of their ball.

But I like that “no less than” part. That means that somebody like me–someone who needs a club as wide as a ping pong paddle to hit that dimpled little ball–could play with a larger target of the swing! I might do that.

I’m not sure there’s a lot of difference between 40 mm hail and 42.67 mm hail. Either one produces big dents in vehicle bodies and hurts when it hits your head. Even hail of much smaller proportions creates great damage: strips crops, pelts holes in a shingled roof, destroys property. So it probably was of little consequence if what I saw in The Tennessean was “half the size of golf balls” or “hail the size of golf balls”. I’ll probably make more mistakes like that, you know, just reading it wrong.

This morning, I saw that some of my old friends from high school posted that I ought to get myself back to California. Come home. I checked my FB posts to see if I had made them sound like I was scared. No, at least not to me. We weren’t scared, but we were exercising appropriate caution. I was entertained, and I was entertaining myself by posting updates.

Come home, it said; another, move back here.

And then I thought, Wait a minute. These people are the same age as I am. No doubt they have the same reading problem as I do. They just read it wrong. 

I had to respond, “I am home”.

***

Access: It’s not the only thing…

We’re changing doctors; well, Mom and Dad are. When we all first moved here on the ravine, we chose a primary care physician for them from a list provided by Dr. Scoville, Mom and Dad’s cardiologist. We couldn’t get in with the first on the list and the second was out of the country for a couple of months, so we went with the third. Dr. Scoville told us, “They are all fine doctors–but access is going to be very important for you. Choose one that’s available and has good coverage and one that you can be comfortable with.”

We loved this young physician, all of us. We described him to others and to ourselves as “sweet as he can be, and very laid-back.” Whenever we needed to see him, we could always get an appointment within a couple of days, usually the same day as the call. So why are we changing doctors when we got such good access?

Dr. Jones (Heavens, no, that’s not his real name!) has missed too much. Missed the mark. Been dead wrong–perhaps deadly wrong–on too many issues. There were also signs of frustrating inefficiency in billing and coding and office management.

We missed Dr. Jones’s first miss–I’ll explain. Both Mom and Dad had a complete physical in June. I remembered the conversation about his “swallowing problem” and his “stomach trouble” much too late (of course).

We brought a list of current medications, including vitamins and over-the-counter varieties. Dr. Jones asked, “Does the over-the-counter Prisolec take care of the problem?”

“No, not really. I guess it helps,” Dad answered. “But see, I have this problem and they’ve worked on it before. I have a blockage” (he patted his chest) “and they had to go in and stretch it.”

“Hiatal hernia,” I said. Dr. Jones nodded.

“He throws up a lot,” I said. He nodded again.

“Well, he said that’s the way it’s going to be,” Dad said, referring to his old doctor.

We went on to another subject and the physical was over. We left with instructions to continue the current course of medications, call if we needed him, and return for an annual check-up.

In January after that first physical, Dad took an ambulance trip to the hospital with untreated reflux that led to what we used to call “bleeding ulcers.” He was passed out on the floor and incoherent when those muscly EMT’s carried him down the apartment’s steep back stairs. After the hospital stay, he went to the rehabilitation facility for three weeks where they got him walking again.

Then Dr. Jones missed Mom’s gallbladder attack. A covering physician on a weekend called it (over the phone) and sent her to the emergency room. She had surgery the following day. Two misses by Dr. Jones. A few days later, I brought up perhaps looking for another doctor…

Number three was this past week’s diverticulitis. After two visits with Dr. Jones and prescriptions for reflux (yes…), I took Mom to the emergency room on Thursday where she got a CT scan, a quick diagnosis, and some prescriptive antibiotics.

I did not begin the conversation this time about finding a new doctor. Mom did. We have a new, long list of internists and family practice caregivers to choose from. We’ll find a good one, already have one in mind.

The thought occurred that, yes, access is important, but it’s not the only thing.

“Access” has come up in conversation around The Compound several times lately; I suppose you could say “access as it relates to politics“. Politics is defined by my online dictionary as  “of or related to the citizenry, the state, the government, public affairs, public administration, policy-making…” Mom and Dad and Dave and I talk a lot of that sort of politics.

Last week, we agreed that access is almost the only thing for a very large group of people around the country–well, even right here in our own city. Vanderbilt and St. Thomas have done a good job of locating clinics in communities with low access to transportation across town. But we all know that the uninsured in line for treatment in those local clinics–as well as the emergency room–are but a fraction of those without the ability to pay for healthcare. Mostly, the uninsured go without care. Most wouldn’t go to the doctor with a bellyache, even a bad one. I think of my friend who chooses to pass kidney stones alone, at home, because she just can’t face owing thousands of dollars for a trip to the ER.

Most of the uninsured go without maintenance medications, those pills and elixirs to control high blood pressure, hyperthyroidism, cholesterol–and reflux. Those who are fortunate enough to get treatment at a clinic or emergency room may not fill the resulting prescriptions. They may have access to a pharmacy but lack the means to pay.

Just a couple of days ago, we talked about another kind of access, access to food. Groceries.

There are areas of town that are named “food deserts.” Those who have taken up the mission of feeding the hungry know about these areas where the only place to shop, if there is one, is a small corner “stop and go”. Sometimes the prices in such places are double what one would see in a larger grocery store. Sometimes that’s the result of price-gouging, but many times the higher prices are what allow that merchant to be there. Many times, that corner market is the only place accessible on foot.

For our neighbors who live in food deserts, access is critical…but it’s not the only thing. One has to have means.

Now, here on the ravine, if we don’t like the looks of the grapes at Kroger, we go to Publix. Or Wal-Mart. Or Maxwell’s. Or Harris Teeter. Mom can’t find canned purple plums except for at one location, so we just add that store as an occasional stop. In the summertime, we make trips downtown to the Farmer’s Market for squash, tomatoes–several varieties, melons, peaches, greens…I can’t remember it all. One of the wholesale clubs is our PRN stop. (PRN…a medical notation for “as needed.”) We order teas and spices online.

Do we have access, or what? And means. We have means.

The Kroger at Elysian Fields closed last week. I wonder if that creates a new food desert in Nashville. That closing has to eliminate access for some somebodies, and if that Kroger’s shoppers find a new store, it just may take more means to get there, more means to pay there.

Change doctors? We can do that. Choose between food stores? We can do that. Drive pretty much where we want? Yes.

We have access. But it’s not the only thing.

 

Altering the Course

It’s not usually the weather that alters the activity around the compound, but today… The tornado siren was wailing, Channel 5’s weatherman said to run for cover, and Murphy was extremely agitated. So Dave rounded up the old folks and we all headed for The Cellar just about 1:00 o’clock.

Actually, I was already here. At 12:45, I had popped a frozen shepherd’s pie into the oven for lunch expected to be at 1:30. We take our main meal at the middle of the day now. Mom and Dad just do not like to eat a big meal in the evening, and since I wanted to make sure of what, exactly, and how much, they are eating… Well, here they all came. Mom was first down the stairs, slow but steady. Dad followed, holding on to the banister with two hands. Dave brought up the rear, carrying Murphy. Murphy does not like storms.

“Well,” Dave said, after Mom and Dad had taken their seats on the couch, “I think I’ll have a glass of wine. Who wants to join me?”

All hands went up. Well, actually, Murphy only looked up. She thought Dave had mentioned “treat time.” Or maybe it was the word “wine.” Usually, when someone around the compound is having wine, they’re also having crackers—and crackers are her favorite treat.

Dad wanted red so I sprinted up the stairs to retrieve a bottle of Cabernet from the dining room. Mom said she wanted red, too. I asked her if she wanted me to add a packet of Splenda. She likes it very sweet.

Mom sat on one end of the couch and Dad on the other, holding hands across the empty middle until Murphy jumped up between them. They let go to pet Murphy.

“What if we have to stay here for a long time?” Mom asked.

“I guess we’ll just stay here and drink,” I answered. I started to sing Merle Haggard’s 1980 hit. “…You don’t care about the way I think. Think I’ll just stay here and drink.”

“Daddy,” Mom said, “You’re going to drop your wine glass.”

“Are you asleep?” I asked.

“No, just almost,” he said. “That wine made me sleepy.”

Dave took the glass to the sink.

We were about an hour later than we meant to be eating that shepherd’s pie. It was good.

Then, somehow, we got started on a discussion of what might happen if Mom died first—before Dad. Wait—I know how that happened.

When I cook and take the meal to the apartment, Dad usually manages the kitchen cleanup. When he clears the table and puts the dishes in the dishwasher, he would prefer that no one stacks the dishes. He reminds us frequently. Today, he said, “I have my own way of doing this, and I like to take one dish at a time to the sink and then rinse it and put it in the dishwasher.  If y’all stack them all up, you just make a mess of my system.” (Mom immediately withdrew her reach toward my plate and silverware.)

“See,” he said, “This is one of the few things I get to do this the way I want to.”

“That’s because Mom does everything else for you,” I said.

“I know,” he said, “But it’s not my fault. It doesn’t matter what I start to do. Even if I am just going to make myself a piece of toast, she comes up behind me and says, ‘Oh, honey, let me take care of that for you.’”

“Here’s what I want to know,” Dave said. “What are you going to do if she dies first?”

“I’ll have to find me another little gal to take care of me,” Dad answered, and winked.

Mom was unfazed. “Doesn’t work that way at your age, Buddy,” she said.

Then Dad said to Dave, “Well, you could put my medicine out for me to take like she does, and…”

“Oh, no,” Dave said, “You’re bound for the ice floe. We’re not going to put up that nonsense.”

I said I thought we ought to just ask the crematorium’s driver to take Dad, too, when he comes to pick up Mom.  “…just let you two go on together,” I said.

We all laughed. We joke often about a time that really will arrive one of these days.

Dad turned serious. “I think I feel more secure right now than I ever have,” he said. “I don’t worry about anything.”

Then we talked of retirement centers, skilled nursing facilities, hospitals, doctors, and medicine. We discussed the financial ability of our children, the care given in institutions, and what we all might do at the time that the first of my two parents dies.

It was a practical discussion—not emotional, not sad.

There are doctor appointments this week, and next, and maybe the week after. Dad will see the ophthalmologist for his annual eye exam tomorrow and his urological surgeon for a follow-up on Friday morning. The next week Mom sees the endocrinologist and then the cardiologist. I’m not sure what comes next after that, but sometime this week, I have to re-investigate a lab bill that Medicare did not pay.

What was I going to do today? I was taking a new laptop to the computer store to have it loaded. Now I’ve decided there’s just been too much rain and too little time is left in the day. Mom said she had intended to quilt but after lunch she might just take a nap instead. Dave said he might work on his mother’s finances, even though there was not much time left in the day. Dad said he couldn’t remember what he was going to do. Later, when the rain stopped, I saw him walking around the courtyard with his cane; he seemed to be exploring.

Altered courses—we experience a lot of those. That’s okay. Whatever it was that I meant to do (I think it might have been organizing books), it will wait. I keep reflecting on what Dad said.  “I feel more secure right now that I ever have.”

Where’s that wine? “My mind is nothin’ but a total blank—Think I’ll just stay here and drink.”

Except I said “drank.” Rhymes better.

***

2012–Living Into It

I watched 2012 dawn on the water in Florida. I always sing “Red Sails in the Sunset” when I see that big red ball of fire near the horizon. It doesn’t matter whether it’s sunrise or sunset, the song seems to fit and it makes me smile. I was up alone in the Destin condo while Dave and our friends snoozed for a couple of hours. I wasn’t lonely. I love that time of day, no matter where it happens to be.

The night before, we cooked a festive dinner of filet of beef and shrimp scampi and toasted with the balcony doors wide open to the rolling evening waves, a sincere toast to a “good” year. I should have stayed up to see something drop somewhere at midnight–a peach in Atlanta, a music note in Nashville, or the ball in New York City, but I just couldn’t keep these eyes open past 10 P.M. I didn’t want to.

I remember thinking, just before pulling the covers over my head, “There ought to be resolutions, oughtn’t there?” And then, “Something to think about when we get home.”

I started to think about 2012 in late September, I guess because fall is the time I start to think of what to write in the Christmas letter. Don’t congratulate me for in-depth planning. I don’t produce that holiday mailing until the week before Christmas. I just give myself plenty of time to root around in my failing memory and a chance to interview Dave regarding his take on the year’s most meaningful moments.

What do I want for 2012? By early October, I knew the overall theme I would adopt for the new year. I wanted to get my priorities straight–and I knew I didn’t want to wait until January 1.

By the second half of 2011, Mom and Dad required more attention. Dad is still a workhorse in the gardens and on the banks of the ravine, and he still team-teaches a Seniors Sunday school class; but he tires more easily and he seems to have more frequent “bad” days. His most consistent nutrition is taken in the form of ice cream, about a gallon a week, and his breakfast is a cookie with his coffee. Sometimes I can tempt him with New England clam chowder, enchiladas, or shepherd’s pie, but he never misses the ice cream or the cookie.

Mom’s arthritis seemed to progress more rapidly and then she had a bout with stomach distress that culminated in the removal of her gallbladder. Even after her surgery, she missed days of her water aerobics for arthritis when she woke up with stomach upset. We’re still trying to figure out what’s causing this recurring gastritis.

Sometime in the last half of the year, the four of us began to eat a common meal at the middle of the day, an old Southern custom. Most of the time, I cook. It’s my way of knowing the two oldsters eat a balanced meal each day; or, perhaps it’s knowing they are offered a balanced meal each day since my menu choices are not always hits out of the ballpark. I’m happier with the cleanup, too, when I cook.

When our resident old folks made a trip to Nevada to visit my brother and his family, my daughter-in-law and I launched a cleaning invasion in the apartment, scrubbing every dish, glass, and pan, replacing bath rugs and towels, re-engineering storage, and detailing bathrooms. Dave and I hired bi-weekly cleaning help without consulting the parents–and then thought about how to spin such a move when they returned.

We shouldn’t have fussed over their feelings. Mom loves the Monday all-clean house and Dad loves Mom loving it. Mom says she didn’t know how hard it was on her to change the sheets until someone else starting doing it. She says she didn’t realize how much she was letting go because it was too difficult for her to do. And she says she guesses she deserves to have her house cleaned now that she’s eighty.

The October short list of priorities went like this: more care and attention for Mom and Dad, write more/write more often, get that garage monstrosity cleaned up. There are still a few boxes that we’ve never unpacked–no, really, there are– and I regularly make something of a mess rooting around in what has been unpacked and reorganized. Who am I kidding? That garage is downright offensive.

I acted on the first two items on the list before Christmas, resigning from several time-eating activities, committees, and responsibilities. Actually, I answered the call on that second item earlier in the year by joining the best writing group I’ve ever had. I am not writing as much as I want to, but I am writing consistently and my novel-in-progress now gets weekly attention. I piddled and dilly-dallied with that thing about cleaning up the garage…

Now that almost half a month of the new year has passed, I think I’ll give myself a progress report. I didn’t rush but I packed away the twenty-odd bins of Christmas stuff. That corner of the garage looks good. Dave pounded some nails in the rafters so that I could hang baskets and wreaths. We hauled an old bookcase into my office to hold the overflow from the current wall of books. I figure if I do one little thing–just one weeeeeee thing–each day, I’ll have the entire downstairs organized and cleaned up by, oh, let’s say Easter.

Unless I get interrupted.

I finished Chapter 15 of the novel the first week in January. “It is a pivotal chapter,” I told myself, “and that’s the reason Chapter 16 runs from me.” But a funny thing happened in the garage yesterday. I found Chapter 16 just about the same time I found how I can make myself write more. It all has to do with that promise to clean up the garage. Three times as I was lifting, wagging, and settling boxes, I stopped to run to my desk in The Cellar to record a new scene, one that absolutely would not wait a minute longer.

I was certain this fight between organizing and creating a story would stand as evidence for the left brain vs. right brain theory (which I never really understood) and that Right was battling Left. But when I skittered around on various websites regarding creative writing or language or stacking boxes, I found educated opinion that such behaviors might all require bi-lateral brain activity. Well–who cares? I’ll just plan to push, pull, sweep, hang, stack, dig, and flop–and the chapters will interrupt the cleaning and demand to be heard! Or read. No, written.

More care and attention for Mom and Dad is a given. It just…happens. Dad has two doctor appointments next week. I’m working on an appointment for Mom. I cook almost every day. I also clean in the kitchen every time I go to the apartment. I wash all the kitchen linens which Mom changes every other day. I’m going to the apartment more often. I try to pop in for coffee or breakfast every other day. Dave and I still attend the 5:00 P.M. “cocktail hour.” We don’t leave Dad alone. If Mom and I go to the hobby store, Dave visits with Dad. I find a calm comfort in caring for them.

A funny thing happened in late 2011 after I embraced priority. I became able to “let it be.” Remember that John Lennon song? I don’t know who spoke those “words of wisdom.” My new feeling came as a gift, one that I received without knowing exactly how or when it arrived. As I attended that sunrise show in Destin, I was surprised to realize that I had found my joy. It was my epiphany. A couple of pastor friends call this kind of peace with the circumstances “living into it.”

This new year, the third year of living in the compound with Mom and Dad, is off to its own start. It will be as different from 2011 as 2011 was from 2010, and as 2010 was from 2009. This time will be its own time. I’ll carry on with the 2012 three-point plan and I’ll do one wee little thing every day about caring for my parents, about writing, about organizing, but to make this year’s moments really count, I think Dave and I–and Dave and I and Mom and Dad–can help each other by just living into them. All of them.

 

Christmas Eve 2011

Morning always comes early on Christmas Eve. I don’t plan it, I just wake up. This quiet, this peace, this day…I don’t want to miss it. The lighted trees, three of them, are on timers set to go dark at 11 P.M. so I scurry around to flip the timer switches to “Manual.” The little cashmere tree lights the den and the white tree on the table in the living room shines through the picture window for all the passers-by. But, ahhhh…only I can see the tree on the porch, through the double glass doors. It’s the happy-accident tree, on the porch because I could not bring myself to move furniture to put it up in the den. I am looking at a Christmas card, one of those with only a touch of gold glitter, maybe sitting in a snowy meadow with bunnies and squirrels and deer, angels hovering, the kind of view that sort of warms you inside.

The porch tree has no animals and no snow. We won’t have a white Nashville Christmas and the foxes, squirrels, and raccoons are still nestled snug in their beds—the Shih-Tzu, too. I’m sure the angels are there but I don’t see or hear them. The similarity to the Christmas card scene is only in my imagination but I’m happy to be up early to have this calm to my selfish self, to watch the twinkle of the lights against the dark.

I was late with the Advent wreaths this year. I have tall tapers for the metal twig candelabra in the piano room but I couldn’t remember where I put them. There was no sign of the pink and purple votives for my wineglass wreath, either. I missed the glow of those lights against the dark outside my window for the first sixteen days of Advent.

I surprised myself by not running out to find new ones so that I could “start Advent on time.” I knew I’d find them, probably next Easter, in the “safe place” where I put them last Christmas. I found all the candles on the morning of the seventeenth day of Advent. I was in the pantry area of The Cellar looking for chili beans and I felt their presence. You’re getting warm…Yes, they’re very close. Yes, here they are, neatly packed and labeled and on a shelf with the labels facing outward. Nothing was in front of them. I just didn’t see them the twenty other times I gazed at the same shelves.

Advent is a season of waiting—waiting and watching. In the Christian Church, Advent is a time to practice patience in waiting for something that happened two thousand years ago, the advent of our God to walk among us as a child. Advent is also four weeks of making preparations for the resurrected Christ to return to earth, a future event. But while we time travel simultaneously backward and forward with Advent, and make peace with this paradox of stillness and busy-ness, we must also meet somewhere in the middle of the ages for patience in the present.

It seems easy to wait for Christmas. Who has doubt that it will arrive on December 25? The store clerks used to ask, “Are you ready for Christmas?” as they checked us out. And if we answered that we were not ready, we might get the answer “Well, it’ll come whether you’re ready or not.”

Waiting for Christ’s return—someday—only requires an imagination, a hope that there is more something waiting after the last breath, and a willingness to suspend disbelief: I know, some call that “faith.”

But now, the patience in the present, the waiting in the here and now—that’s more difficult for me. I’ve come to think it means living into all those conflicting feelings that fill our moments and our days, mine and yours. Faith and disbelief, struggle and acceptance, sadness and laughter, grief and joy, anxiety and contentment, burden and relief, clarity and puzzlement, “Merry Christmas” and “Happy Holidays”, they come upon us in syndromes, never one at a time, and very often all romping—or lazing—around in a mind-party.

I struggle to find the Advent candles—and accept that I can do the waiting and watching without them. A son leaves for college—and another comes home from battle. A woman is left alone—and finds herself. A good friend dies—and a baby is born. This is no exchange, one for the other, but a mix, and a mix of continuums. Struggles in one piece of the brain might overpower the acceptance in the heart. The abundance of your joy might possibly overcome the tinge of despair in my soul.

This quiet morning, in love with the glow of the lights, I grieve those we’ve lost, but feel such hope and joy for infants born and for the faces of the little ones so delighted by Christmas. I give thanks that the soldiers have returned from Iraq, while knowing that there are still thousands still there to “finish up,” thousands more in Afghanistan and other far places, many thousands of families grieving those who will never come home, other thousands wounded. I am anxious over the children with not enough to eat, and delighted that my jobless friends are going to work in January. The list goes on…good and bad, at the same time.

I am burdened by the condition of our country, but the load is made lighter when I see the goodness showered during this season. The real humanness, that of doing for each other, loving some that we may never know, checking our abundance in favor of sharing–it’s there, like those Advent candles. I forget it and lose it under the weight of worry and blame. I find it in a moment of just “being.”

Maybe there are angels watching over us. Their music reminds us that we are all continuing on, in the paradox, all waiting…together.

December                                                                                                                                                           By Gary Johnson, from The Writer’s Almanac

A little girl is singing for the faithful to come ye
Joyful and triumphant, a song she loves,
And also the partridge in a pear tree
And the golden rings and the turtle doves.
In the dark streets, red lights and green and blue
Where the faithful live, some joyful, some troubled,
Enduring the cold and also the flu,
Taking the garbage out and keeping the sidewalk shoveled.
Not much triumph going on here—and yet
There is much we do not understand.
And my hopes and fears are met
In this small singer holding onto my hand.
Onward we go, faithfully, into the dark
And are there angels hovering overhead? Hark.

Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays, Dear Friends.

***

Why They Came

First the black bear walked in. He left the door open behind him. I squatted behind the tan leather sofa while he rummaged through the kitchen cabinets to find some shortbread cookies. Then a white-tail deer trotted in. She stood just a few inches away from my hiding place and watched the bear. I glanced at the dark, shiny wood floors and feared that dear Mrs. Deer would leave hoof marks. The grey squirrel came in talking, tail twitching. “Cashews. Give me cashews. Or popcorn.”

Sometime after that, the dream ended and I opened my eyes and laughed out loud. Dave and I were in our favorite cabin hideaway in Asheville, North Carolina. We’d come to see the roses in bloom at The Biltmore. The night before, while Dave lifted the cooler onto the front porch, I read the laminated sign posted beside the door. “Do not leave your front door open. Bears have been sighted on the grounds.”

Inside, another sign referenced a grey squirrel that might appear on the deck seeking an anticipated snack from new residents. We didn’t see any bears, but the squirrel story was a bit understated. The squirrel stood on his hind legs and knocked on the sliding glass door. We were forced to encourage him by giving him popcorn and peanuts, which we had to partially shell before he would dig in. He was a relentless pest for the three days we were in Dad’s Digs—came inside the living room once and we lured him out with crackers. “Pest,” that’s what they really meant to write on the warning sign, not “pet.”

We did see some deer, but none so brave as to walk into the living room while a bear searched for cookies and a squirrel made demands. Of course, we were careful to keep the doors closed.

So far, no raccoon, fox, nor groundhog has wandered into the house here on the ravine. If any one of them were to visit, he’d probably come into The Cellar, the place where I keep an office and a second kitchen. One reason to appreciate this small efficiency apartment in our walk-out basement is that the dirt comes in here instead of the regular living quarters upstairs. The first landing for hedge trimmers, grimy work gloves, and buckets of whatever vegetable is currently prolific in the garden—today that would be turnip greens—is a counter height table that my dad made for me out of old lumber and four-by-fours. He painted the top turnip-green green.

The garden tools and produce—and dirt—are things that we bring in. And then there are the things that just come in, on their own. Leaves, for instance. Oh, sure, we bring in a few leaves on our shoes, but nothing compared to the brown, orange, and yellow piles that rush with the October wind every time a breeze blows through the opened door.

Some of the smaller critters have already headed indoors, and the entry point of least resistance is The Cellar. We’ve had some cold spells so I guess they’re trying to keep warm. It doesn’t hurt that there are so many good hiding places down here in The Cellar, either.

I don’t mind the occasional box elder bug but the mouse that scurried across the floor in front of the bookcases unnerved me. Dave came downstairs. (I suppose I might have screamed a little, too.) My good husband headed for the hardware store to buy mousetraps. He was gone for maybe ten minutes when I saw something moving from the back door and across the kitchen floor. I squinted my eyes. It was too slow to be a mouse but it was about that size. I eased up from my desk chair and tip-toed around the file cabinets to have a closer peek. A spider. A really big spider. Black, with hairy, meaty legs. On another day, I would find a way to move him outside; I don’t really hate spiders and I rarely kill one. However, my normal self had fled with the mouse so I threw a paper towel over him and stomped. Later I wished I had saved him in one of the fruit jars on the table so that I could show him off.

Dave baited three traps with peanut butter and placed them in various mouse-traffic patterns but for three days, no tell-tale “pop.” I was beginning to think the uninvited guest wanted cashews when Dave informed me on the fourth morning that he had “removed the little friend” and that the exterminator was coming.

Halloween seems to signal “fall-for-sure,” just as Thanksgiving says, “Winter is here.” People, critters, and things come inside. The grandkids and their friends from next door won’t be racing past the window by my desk much longer. Their scooters and bicycles will be tucked into garages and they will draw and paint, read, and watch videos-on-demand. We’ve already brought in the ferns and cactus, and we’ve moved the porch furniture closer to the house. Next frost, I’ll move the potted roses to the storage garage.

Halloween is also the date of my parents’ anniversary. This year, it was their 65th. Sixty. Five. Years. They were young when they took a taxi from the Smith County hills to just over the Georgia state line, just seventeen and fifteen. They looked young at their anniversary gala on Sunday afternoon, an event held in an old mansion that serves as the fellowship hall for Southeast United Methodist Church. Mom dolled up in an ivory embroidered suit with copper and silver accessories. Dad strutted around in his best black suit, an ivory rose tucked into his lapel, and leaned on his cane when he stopped to visit. Mom received most of the guests at a reserved table, but she eased around the room with Dad two or three times, once to pose with the stacked cake and once to receive the short blessing offered by Pastor Ann Cover.

The guests were plentiful and so were the reasons they came. Some came because they’re family; Mom and Dad lived away from Tennessee for most of their married life and every family gathering is a treat. On the memory-video, Aunt Bessie said, “See, now, if you’d stayed in California, I would have missed this.” Some were friends from church; one said, “We are so happy to have you here teaching our Sunday school class.” Some were members of the church Dad retired from; they said they’d never forget Mom and Dad. Heatherly said, “We just love your mama and daddy.” Some were members of a church that Dad pastored when they were teenagers; Jackie Edwards said, “Brother Blair, you’ve been my favorite for over fifty years.” Some worked with Mom when she was a credit manager for a boot company; Bill Black said, “We’ve made the 50th and the 60th and now the 65th and we’ll be here for the 70th—You are going to have another party, aren’t you?”

After the party, Dave and I had to make two trips in the van to bring home the decorations, dishes, and leftover cake. It was a really, really big tiered—no, “stacked”—cake that I carried in my lap on the second trip, the backend of the van full again. We agreed to take the cake in and leave everything else to unload the next morning.

Dave opened the passenger door and I eased out with the cake, being careful to keep it upright. I planned to re-frost the top where we had removed just one tier and take it to the Nashville Rescue Mission where they would serve it as dessert for dinner.

“This cake turned out beautiful,” I said. I had obsessed over the cake, a home creation a friend and I concocted. My friend has decorated a wedding cake. I had not, and until the bouquet of red roses, dogwood, fringe plant, and crape myrtle transformed the monstrosity, I almost would have paid somebody to take it.

Dave told me several times, “People aren’t coming to the party for the cake.” Well, no, that wasn’t the reason they came to Mom and Dad’s anniversary reception, but I was still thrilled—okay, “relieved”—when several ladies said it was the prettiest cake they’d ever seen. They even said it was the best-tasting white cake they’d ever had.

Just as I sat the cake down on the turnip-green table, I remembered the extra hors d’oeuvres I’d brought home. “Oh, shoot, Dave, those leftovers are somewhere in the back of the van, under something.”

It was dark, and we had not turned on the floodlights (switches upstairs) on the back drive and patio. The only light turned on was the motion-detector fixture over The Cellar’s door and we have it set to turn off after sixty seconds.

“Just wave or run around in front of it—and I’ll find the food,” I said.

Dave propped The Cellar door open and stationed himself.

“Well, we may as well take this stuff in if I’m going to have to move it anyway,” I said as I lifted item after item.

“Yeah, no need to move it twice,” Dave said and came for his first load.

While I started to dig again, Dave headed inside, his arms full of candles, dried boughs of fall berries, and tablecloths. As he set his load down, pushing bags under the table, the light clicked off. He hurried back out to wave it back on.

“Hey,” I heard him holler, “Get away from there!”

I jumped. Dave wasn’t talking to me. He was yelling at a raccoon making a run for The Cellar’s open door.

Now, that raccoon wasn’t cold and he didn’t need a place to hide. He did not express admiration for Mom and Dad’s sixty-five years of marriage nor did he claim nostalgia for having known them for so many years.

But he did have a reason. The raccoon came for the cake.

***